2009 seems to be a very bleak year,with the government accnouncing today that Singapore's GDP growth is expected to take a negative percentage. All I can say is, I'm so glad I'm still schooling. And hopefully, the economy will turn better in 2010 when I'm out in the workforce.

I couldn't feel a thing when the whole lot of us ushered in 2009 in the sanctuary, with Pastor Koh attempting to create minimal excitement by the dimming of lights. Why, is there anything to look forward to this coming new year? To put it in a not-so-nice way, I still have to drag myself out of bed at 6am to go to school, squeeze with hundred others who are also going to school, put up with selfish people, get into school or ministry politics unknowingly, be backstabbed at, be neglected or taken for granted, (probably) be pointed at with a knife, shed countless tears for my blanket to see, get frustrated when people don't understand, fret when I don't understand what does the Lord require of me etc. What exactly is there to count down for?

Heh, I really sound jaded. That's maybe because 2008 had really been a super duper rotten year for me. For my family, my relationships, slightly my grades and stuff. Closer friends can probably decipher what I mean. I had many first times in 2008, and many many last times. I recall many a times when I yearned for a soul to sit beside me so that it wouldn't be so lonely to weep alone, but I only heard the trees whispering to each other and the sound of mucus accumulating in my nose.

Sometimes I really ask God, "Why is it so easy for any other normal girl to find a good friend and start crying till she grows tired, but I have no one at all?" And then I stupidly realised, even if I had a friend like that, I wouldn't want to cry in front of him or her. I just don't like being someone else's burden, I don't need someone to sit there and do nothing but watch me cry.

After a while, I learn to cry only in front of the Lord. Because I know that every tear is precious in His eye, and He will comfort me better than any Tom, Dick or Harry friend. And I am thankful that I shed many tears in 2008, for when 2009 becomes a blessed year, I'll know that it is because of the Lord's hand and providence.

Dear God, I don't pray for 2009 to be a fantastic and smooth-sailing year. I only pray that I'll stay close to you and You to me. Show me a glimpse of what You mean by "all we need is found in You", just a glimpse, and I know I shall never be in want.

Indeed, all we need is found in You.